Remaining Sense of Pain

_{so many messages to check...}

So far, I think the only person that knows that I craft paper roses is and she replied me with a very interesting and, in my opinion, rather insightful comment about the way I craft them (because I don't fold them origami-style or use scissors and sellotape, I just rip the paper and piece the parts together to make the rose). They aren't supposed to look neat, they look like rather thorned roses the way they are meant to be.

I started crafting after a lady friend of my mother's quickly showed me in a restaurant how to fold paper to the shape of a rose. When I tried to do it myself, I did it to cope with a stressful situation, and since then my roses are marked with such feelings.


Unlike most people I know, I wasn't raised to think that having flowers in one's house was to make them prettier or to enlight them, I grew up to see them as reminiscents of graveyard flowers, and therefore of death. I have never owned a living plant in any of the houses I've lived in.

There is a particular track, #14 or M19+M20 of Kara no Kyoukai episode 3: Remaining Sense of Pain www.youtube.com/watch?v=NcwD15… , that makes me incredibly nostalgic, sad and melancholic. I am yet to check the anime, I've only known the track itself and the OST for some months now, and I like to call the music itself with the name of the episode rather than calling it #14 or M19+M20.
Added to the fact that I discovered this song on a Fatal Frame/Project Zero video, I now relate the two together, increasing the melancholy of departing/death those games are filled with.

I realized that I could pick all these feelings together and apply them to roses I craft. Each time I craft a paper rose, I am trying to cope with an emotionally stressing and triggering moment, so in a way I'm conducting my feelings into the rose, an object which itself already brings me a wave of saddening emotions. After it is finished, the rose starts to symbolize those feelings and therefore becomes the remaining piece to hold the sense of pain that was transmitted to it, and that it was the reason why it was crafted in the first place.

So, I've decided to call them Remaining Sense of Pain.